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Saturday, April 02, 2005

Bouncing Back

Okay, it was utterly too depressing to leave that last post just sitting there, so I thought I should update and say that those feelings seem to have passed and I can only chalk them up to hormones and a million little things that were bugging me. Besides, it all got put into perspective for me when after spending a lovely and comforting few hours with my friend Laura I spotted a commotion by her house just after we had parted company. It seems a man was about to jump off of a nearby hotel in his birthday suit and when I saw him, they were just bringing him down on the firetruck's ladder. I hoped he was (and is) okay and I realized that things weren't really that bad.

Now years ago, when I suffered my major depression, I was in the hospital and my medical doctor came to visit me. I told her I was feeling upset because the girl next to me was very young and not in good shape, so I was thinking that my troubles weren't all that bad. She very wisely pointed out that although it may seem that way, they were still MY troubles and serious enough to land me in the psych ward and that I should not compare myself to others because each of us is unique and reacts differently to situations. She was right, of course, but that still didn't stop me from worrying about this teenaged girl and maybe it helped because I stopped feeling selfish for a little while. And so it was with this man who was about to jump. I felt much better after that (not about him wanting to jump, but now having perspective on my life) and have even survived a week of hell at work.

As far as the pregnancy goes, baby is doing well - he kicks and rolls and I fall deeper in love with him each day. I am dying to meet him and as of tomorrow it will be roughly ten weeks left until I do! I feel as excited as though I am heading to Europe again (my favorite continent in the world) and as edgy as a little kid waiting for a big surprise! What will he look like? Will he have light hair or dark hair? Blue eyes? Green eyes? Brown eyes? Will he look more like me than Doug? Or vice versa (since Kes is a clone of Doug)? Ahhh...I just have to contain my excitement and hang in there until the day arrives.

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