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Monday, October 11, 2004

Time and the Pursuit of Pure Fashion

I am entertaining the thought of designing a line of Goth maternity clothing. No joke. But, I don't Goths have babies? I am sure they must and in that case, what do they wear? If the average human being such as myself despises the maternity fashions out there, what must a poor Goth mother think? Granted, there are certain Goths that DO wear ruffles and lacey things, but they are generally accompanied with deep colored velvet and black. I think that there couldn't be anything more romantic than a beautiful pregnant woman in a long black cloak. As a matter of fact, during my last pregnancy, I had my husband take some photos of me in my "Moulin Rouge" bustier (deep red and black) and my deep burgundy velvet cape that I made years ago. Not that I am Goth, mind you. If there had been such a thing as Goth when I was in highschool, I would have been SO there! There was something of a pre-cursor in Punk Rock, but who REALLY wanted to spike their hair with crazy glue and wear safety pins? Goth is just so much more genteel and romantic.

This is just an example of the ramblings of my newly pregnant mind. Today I am five weeks plus one day pregnant. I have been informed by one of the various millions of "information websites" out there that my baby is now the size of an apple seed. I hold a seed in my hand and try to fathom how is it that I can already love something so tiny? There is barely an acknowledgement on the part of my body that this child already exists. Amenorrhea and fatigue, nothing more. Not a wave of nausea, not a sore nipple. And yet the overwhelming love I feel for this unborn child courses through me every waking minute. I think ahead to June 12th and picture myself holding the tiny, down covered bundle and tears flow. There is a very good chance that this is my final offspring. "Never say never" and all that, but I am not sure how well my body would tolerate it after this time. My mother had five pregnancies resulting in 6 children (yes, I am a twin) and during my last pregnancy I wondered how she could have done it so many times, especially with little ones around? I have asked her and she doesn't know! My feelings are joy mixed with melancholy, knowing that I must relish every moment, even the bad ones, of this pregnancy.

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