Okay. I started therapy. My brain just cannot get around this repeat surgery thing for the birth and I am going to spend the next eight months driving myself crazy, crying too much and generally creating an unhappy environment for myself and those around me. So I bit the bullet and called the therapist's number that the midwife had given me. Now don't think that I am against getting help, it's my husband's profession for pete's sake, but it can be disconcerting to open yourself up to someone you don't know.
Fortunately because I had given her the "cliff notes" over the phone, I didn't have to get into the whole thing blow by blow and cry and ruin my nice makeup job, because I had not worn makeup all week and it felt nice to look nice. I came close to crying a few times and my throat got really tight, but I held it in because I just wanted to get all the pertinent things out without blubbering.
She was wonderful. Because she and her partner specialize in exactly this sort of thing; birth trauma, women's issues, fertility issues, I got a really good vibe from her. She was so caring and compassionate. It's not like I don't know what the problem is, I just don't know how to move forward from it. And she is going to help me with that. At this point I don't see how surgery can be made into a positive, but I guess I will find out.
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