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Tuesday, October 19, 2004


My toddler has a hearing problem. Figuratively, mind you, but a hearing problem nonetheless! Now it runs in my family, along with the ultra-sensitive olfactory sense, that we have acute hearing. I suppose this is because most of us have bad eyesight and the other senses have been forced to compensate. The sound of bus brakes can send the best of us running to the brink of insanity, teetering on the edge, waiting for the next ear-shattering squeal so that we may throw ourselves over like unwilling lemmings. I have observed this trait in both of my daughters. The little one can hear a siren from five blocks away and runs to me in panic each time she ears one. But when I am admonishing her for the bazillionth time on touching the photographs that are precariously stacked on our bookshelf, I swear she cannot hear me. I imagine that when I say to her: "Mommy has asked you many times to stay away from those. DO NOT TOUCH THAT!", she hears: "Moon monkey orange pasta delta niner poop. DO NOW TOUCH THAT!" I was assembling a 15 drawer rolling cart last night and she kept stepping inside of it before the drawers were installed. Now, it was not the most secure item and had sharp edges, and you would think that after yelling at her "NO! GET OUT!" 800 times, that she would listen or obey. Time was spent in the time-out chair much to her disgust.

I talked to my twin sister on the phone. She is having some difficulties with post partum depression and it kills me that I cannot be in Revelstoke with her. I miss her desperately and no amount of phone calls can make up for seeing her! If anyone should be prone to PPD, it's me. I was a very depressed teenager and suffered a major depression in 1998. I know what that feeling is like. The one where you want to run away, the one where you think you have no control over anything, the one where you wish you would just sleep for an eternity and never wake up. I remember that I thought about death a lot and it wasn't so much that I wanted to kill myself, but that I wanted to die. There is a difference believe it or not. Anyway, now that I have wandered down this morbid track I must point out that my sister is not suicidal. But I must point out that I am concerned about my level of anxiety in this pregnancy. I wake up almost every morning with a knot in my stomach and a sore jaw from grinding my teeth and this is not good. I haven't been able to really identify the cause, but then I haven't really sat down and confronted it. Will have to try and do that!

Anyway, I look forward to today - it appears it might not rain and that would be great! I'd like to get out of the house today and go for a Seattle's Best Coffee Creme Brulee Latte! Yummy!

Also I am finally seeing my doctor today, so I can discuss things with her too!

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