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Thursday, October 06, 2005


Mamma Mia, here I go again. My my, how can I resist ya? Yep - guess where I am going tonight? And I am sooooo excited! A break! I get a break!

So on Tuesday I took off Hayden's casts and was horrified at what I saw and smelled. The backs of his knees and the tops of his feet, particularly where all the creases are were raw, weeping, scaly, scabby and looked burned. The smell was like death. I compared it to a cross between rotting potatoes and rotting meat. I was devastated. No wonder he had been so miserable and kept clenching his lower half. How would that feel? I bawled.

I let the skin air out for awhile before I bathed him and was determined that no matter what they said to me at the hospital, he was NOT having more casts put on. I was even skeptical about putting the boots on since it looked so serious. I bathed him and watched chunks of his skin the size of nickels come off his legs. I applied some hydrocortisone cream, got him ready and left for the hospital. It was unusually dead when I got there and when Dr. A checked in with me I told her what was happening. She reassured me that it was not my fault, that I didn't know. When she got to the examination, she told me it wasn't that bad. I found her attitude to be a bit "I've seen worse and what are you buggin' about?" She did the flexion measurement and said we could try the boots again. The back of his knee was weeping onto my hand as we tried to get them on and he was screaming at full tilt. My feeling was that I wanted another break to heal his skin and would deal with the set back. After all, we have nothing but time when it comes to this. But we pressed on and the Orthotist Serap was very sweet and gave me all of her phone numbers in case I had problems.

I've been struggling with them for two days and am not convinced that it is the right thing yet. I can get his feet into the boots okay, but very soon after, his feet will slide back and he gets irritated. God I hate this.

I cried on the phone to Cathy and she suggested I find an online support group. Duh. Why didn't I think of that? It's the exact thing I did when I had Kes and was totally traumatized from the c-section. I found an Canadian Group and they have already been very supportive. So I guess I can manage for now.

So when you're near me, darling can't you hear me? S. O. S.
The love you gave me, nothing else can save me. S. O. S.
When you're gone
How can I even try to go on?
When you're gone
Though I try how can I carry on?

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