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Thursday, March 30, 2006

What Heather Needs/Wants/Has/Would/Can

So awhile back I was twigged onto this Google game that you play, where you type in your own name and the word "needs" after it and see what comes up. I, of course, had to take this one step further and play all sorts of games with it! Here's what I got:

Heather Needs:

Heather needs men…Now! Yes, lots and lots of men.....to cook, clean, do laundry..

Heather needs veggies! Gotta get off these carbs!

Heather needs two therapists. Preferably two for the price of one

Heather needs a rest. For about a million years

Heather needs a childhood. Technically I’m still living it

Heather needs prayers/good vibes. Pray for my fat cells to find elsewhere to dwell

Heather needs to stick with her career as a country artist. I loves me a hootenanny!

Heather needs to find the right balance between emotions and logic. Like you don’t even know.

Heather needs your love. Got to have all your lovin’.

Heather needs to start wearing a brassiere. Oh…you noticed that.

Heather needs to jump out them blue jeans and show us that fat ass. Well, since you asked so nicely!

Heather needs to learn to take constructive criticism better. WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

Heather needs something more to be satisfied--preferably Pierre with that tall, dark, mouth-watering body of his, and those come-to-bed chocolate-brown eyes. Hey! Who’s been in my dreams again?

Heather needs to be kept moist. Ummm..should I touch this one?

Heather Wants:

Heather Wants a New Job. I officially quit as Mommy...

Heather wants the words to come alive for the reader. Well, do they?

Heather wants your blood. Did I forget to mention I’m a creature of the night?

Heather wants another baby. Who told you that? Were you talking to my nail tech?

Heather wants a smile that is still hers, and not the "Hollywood" smile. Because Hollywood just doesn’t do it for me anymore...

Heather wants to end up serving people directly. ‘Cause I don’t already? I’m practically a drive-up window!

Heather wants to turn her house into a home. Actually, my husband is taking care of that for me…or is he turning our home back into a house?

Heather wants her career over being with her man. ‘Cuz you cain’t sing country without strife in your life!

Heather wants to know why, if we have thrown out so many bags, there is still so much junk in the place!?? The quintessential question in our house

HEATHER WANTS ELMO TO STOP. JUST. STOP IT. ELMO.

Heather wants to burrow also. Oh how I envy those groundhogs…

Heather wants to sleep in. Pleeeeeease?

Heather wants a little Boy Geek. The jury’s still out on this one, but it’s a pretty safe bet

Heather wants to be remembered as a kind, faithful, and fun person. Yes I surely do

Heather Has:

Heather has lived a big life. I wouldn’t say big, busy maybe and complicated

Heather has lost it. Ages ago, where have you been?

Heather has won numerous accolades and awards. I’d like to thank my lawyer…

Heather has had an interesting career and a fascinating life. Sure…whatever you say

Heather has performed in a broad spectrum of contexts from opera to country music. But I should stick with the country…right? Right?

Heather has appeared before the Federal Court of Canada at the Trial Division. Shhh…no one is supposed to know!

Heather has, over the years, developed a broad set of non-traditional skills. It’s called being a mommy...

Heather has two pets. Kestrel and Hayden.

Heather has been infused into tonics to treat consumption and coughs. And don’t I taste good?

Heather has been a prolific painter. Ask my mom, my favorite medium is poo

Heather has been married to Dr. Jimmy since 1997. Oh…you discovered that, eh? Don’t tell Doug!

Heather has a plan for winter dryness. It’s called drinking profusely on a tropical beach somewhere!

Heather has a long history of medicinal uses. Yep – good for what ails ya!

Heather has turned us all into a bunch of slobbering automatons. My plan is complete…

Heather Would:

Heather would say “I dated a lot of older men until I went into therapy”. Those octogenarians, I tell ya….

Heather would then be fitted with a new leg. ‘Cuz I don’t have one to stand on…!

Heather would weigh over 100 million tons. If I keep eating like this I will!

Heather would write a snarky/obnoxious/sarcastic title. Psshht…noooo….!!

Heather would hug it and cuddle it. If “it” came from eBay, yes!

Heather would love to help with your dream tropical wedding or special event. Hey – who’s spreading this stuff around?

Heather would run, climb, jump, anything just to be moving. Wrong Heather, I fear…

Heather would like to find more opportunities in life to eat grits. Wal of course, ‘cuz I be singin’ country music!

Heather would like to thank her friends and family for their support. Always, always, always – love youse guys!

Heather Can:

Heather can send lava blasts from her hands. Talk about your party tricks! Wait’ll you see what I can do with my butt!

Heather can dress herself. Since I was two, baby!

Heather can drink as much as a woman should - a lot. But a table dance usually follows!

Heather can re-sprout from branches lying along the ground. But I prefer bark mulch.

Heather can groove. Like mad skillz man!

Heather can be sweet, calm, obnoxious, and obsessed, all within ten minutes. I’m not sure about the obnoxious, but the obsessed, most certainly!

Heather can visit your home and help you sort out your closet. Cha right! I can barely make my own bed!

Hoo...that was a fun game! I need to get out more...

5 comments:

Laura said...

I'll Play!

Wants:
Laura wants a present.
Laura wants more cowbell.
Laura wants to know.
Laura wants to have sex in the dining room.

Needs:
Laura needs to take better care of her own two kids.
Laura needs her bounce back.
Laura needs to move to the beach.

Has:
Laura has touched the sky.
Laura has tattoos.
Laura has a baby.
Laura has no clue.

Would:
Laura would never say such things.
Laura would still be my best friend even if she made fun of my name.
Laura would never run for Senate.
Laura would kiss the face of eternity.

Can:
Laura can certainly be controlling at times.
Laura can find out all she needs to know about you in just a few minutes.
Laura can find some place of her own.
Laura can't wait to eat.

Laura said...

BTW - LOVE your responses. Too freakin' funny!!

Mom101 said...

I love this! Apparently I want to have Arun Nayar's baby. (Me being Liz Hurley, of course.)

Rhonda said...

Thanks for the laughs....I really needed it this morning. That was too funny.

Heather said...

Ok, funny story Heather... I happened upon your page because I too was playing the google game and your post was the first "Heather needs" to come up... And I got the info from another Blog on Blogspot... How ironic!

 
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