So. Excited.

Tomorrow I get to meet this lady. I am bursting at the seams with excitement! There will be more about this after the weekend. I promise.

We Interrupt This Regularly Scheduled Blog Lapse...

...to say WHAT THE HECK? Snow. In Vancouver. In March. Did someone wind back the calendar? Because the last I checked we JUST put the clocks forward, which would actually put us one hour closer to Spring!

Ah well, I'm sure the rain will be on its heels and it will all be gone in no time. Maybe.

So I've been very quiet and mostly that is because I haven't had much to say. But one piece of good news: my youngest brother and his wife had a baby boy on February 16th. He came about 6 days early and is absolutely beautiful. I am so happy for them!

Today Hayden and I head to see Dr. Pirani and I am about to ask him something I never thought I would before Hayden turned four. I am going to ask if it is okay for Hayden to stop wearing his brace a few months early. I know! Hayden will be four in about three and a half months, or 101 days if you want to be exact, so it's not like it's a year or something.

We have been having endless problems over the last couple of months with Hayden not being able to take himself to the bathroom in the night because he can't get out of bed with the brace on. And even though we wake him twice a night and at the expense of our backs, lug him to the toilet in his brace, he can still wake up as he is peeing. We also feel the brace is affecting his sleep now. I mean, think about it. At night you tend to swell up from being all warm and cozy. Imagine shoes strapped tight on your feet and think how that might disturb your sleep?

The last visit we had with Dr. Pirani and the more recent visit we had with Lisa (the orthotist), Hayden's feet are showing no sign of relapse.We did have orthotics made for him because of his non-existent arch (you should see them they are so cute!) and those have been fine. He didn't even notice them in his shoes. Lisa pointed out one potential concern that I am going to address with Dr. P today, so we'll see what happens. I'm not going to get my hopes up too high and if the answer is no, then so be it. We only have a few more months anyway. But it would be nice to not have to bring them to Maui with us.

Oh hey! We're going to Maui! On Thursday! Away from the snow! Frankly, all I can think about right now is getting the actual trip out of the way before I can feel relaxed and happy to be in warmer climates. And speaking of that, I had to do the dreaded bathing suit shop. I had heard of a store way in the middle of nowhere that had about 50 different brands of swimsuits. So I rounded up the neighbour and we drove out there yesterday. Thank goodness for Mapquest and GPS is all I can say because it was a long drive. BUT, the store did not disappoint - there were many, many swimsuits! I managed to find a tankini that did not make me look like a sausage and it also has a built-in bra to support the girls, so that was good. My friend managed to find something even cuter. She's quite a bit skinnier than me, so it looked adorable on her. They even had the 2008 models on sale. Did you know that swimsuits are like cars?

I have to say the prices were medium to WTF? Like, for a little filmy cover up skirt, I am not going to pay $50. There is just no way, when I can head to the local fabric store and get a whole yard of the same fabric for $10 or less. But, making an actual swimsuit would be much trickier so I am willing to pay a bit more for that. All in all, a good trip and now I know where it is!

Of course looking out the window and the snow, it feels weird to think I will be wearing a bathing suit in just a few days.

We now return you to your regular programming.

...snow...Snow...SNOW!

I seem to be the only person in my universe that is getting a kick out of all the snow here. I mean, c'mon people - this only happens once every FORTY YEARS here! Forty years ago I was a newborn and therefore could not appreciate this kind of fantastic weather.

Admittedly, we are not equipped for this type of weather here in Vancouver. We have, what? Six snowplows to service the whole city? And I think I've seen only one of them go by, ONCE. (and it was not on our street) I know you're part of a union, City of V, but hire some folks with their snow blowers or something, m'kay? EVERYONE IS FREAKING OUT!

Now, don't get me wrong, I don't enjoy being OUT in the snow other than to take a nice brisk walk and enjoy the quiet. But I could sit at a window, while it's dark and all the street lamps are on, and watch it for hours. Of course I got immense entertainment from watching the drivers frantically trying to get up the steep main drag by our place the other night. Well, I felt bad for them anyway. What ponders me is why go out? What is so important in their world that they can't stay put? I'd love to be able to read minds and find out.

Several days back Laini Taylor (my favourite author) posted a video of what was going on in Portland. It might have been hilarious had it not been so horrifying! I haven't seen any of that sort of thing here on our street, but many many people have been stuck. We've broken the windshield wipers on our van and have to wait a jillion years for the parts to come in. (aside: Why is that? Why is it that the dealerships NEVER have the piece you need?) My husband is having a stroke that the snow isn't gone yet. I claim he has PTSD from all the years he had to deal with this in Montreal. A kind of snow shellshock, you might say.

In other news, I finally got Hamster Boy the proper boy haircut he needed (photos will follow when I find a camera to take some). It was getting really bushy and long and we hadn't really been giving him proper haircuts yet, more like trims. And then a bunch of our friends came over and two of the boys (age 9-11 range) that came had such long hair they looked like street urchins. It kind of sicked me out. It might have looked better if it was washed or combed, but I decided then and there that Hayden was getting his CHOPPED. And boy is it ever!

On the knitting front, I finally finished a project I started over three years ago and gave up on. After many hours of struggling to complete it, it's done. And I kind of hate it now. I'm not happy with how it turned out at all. Sigh. Waste of yarn. This is why I don't make things for myself. The amount of time and love you pour into it and you could have bought it at Winners for one nth of the price it cost you to make. Bah!

Back to school today! The last couple of days have dragged considerably and Momma needs a break. And what fun thing do I get to do today? Go to the dentist! I have a tooth that's driving me nuts and it has to get fixed NOW. Wheee!

I'm off then.

Oh Man Am I Waxing Romantic Today

Snow has this strange effect on me. It makes me feel a little hysterical and I mean that in a good way. I truly get to experience "mixed emotions" on a day like this; where I feel like laughing and crying at the same time. Even the grumps who complain about the snow (and believe me, there are many) can't get me down. No, I don't like to be cold and I don't particularly enjoy being out in the snow for extended periods of time, but I could sit at the window and watch all day and night.

It just feels so.....magical to me. I rewind in my mind to childhood and let myself feel the wonder of it over and over again.

I like what it does to me.

A Trip Down Memory Lane

I stumbled across a paper I had written (and presented) when I was taking a re-entry course after giving birth to my first daughter. Before I'd had her, I'd been a nanny, so could not go back to the job. Instead, I took a government sponsored course that taught me some computer and administrative skills. Little did I realize that this would be the type of work I'd do from then on and truly enjoy. Anyway, the course was for women who were either trying to get back in to the work force after rearing children or for those who had unexpectedly lost jobs and wanted new or different skills.

We covered a variety of the basics, such as math and english and one of the units required us to make a presentation on the topic of our choice. For some reason I chose "Communication". (I am one of those people who will get a sudden inspiration and go with it, so I did.) I uncovered this while looking for another old poem of mine and I got quite the kick out of it and how much times have changed since I wrote it, even though it technically has not been that long. I had included some props and hand gestures, so I will note those in brackets. I was twenty-three when I wrote this. Here we go:

January 28, 1992
"Communication"

If I were to walk up to any one of you and do this: (perform sign-language sign), how many of you would know what I'd just said? How about if I did this? (cross legs, jump up and down) Now how many of you would know that I was trying to say? Well, in case you're wondering, I just said "where's the bathroom?" in sign-language.

Good afternoon (sign). I am happy to talk to you about communication.

We could not function without communication. Spoken language has always been a method of communicating for us, whether we speak English, French, Spanish or Chinese. But what about those of us that do not have the privilege of speech? Or for certain reasons cannot or must not use speech?

I have the privilege of knowing several people who are deaf, and although I am not fluent in sign-language, they have opened up a whole new world of communication for me and I find it quite easy to talk with them because as I showed you to begin with, body language is universal. And that in itself is a method of communicating. Our facial and body expressions can say a lot. For examples, a smile can express happiness, friendliness, nervousness, or even mischief. A downcast expression along with hanging head and slumped shoulders can mean sadness, depression or tiredness. A wave means hello, we can jump for joy or stomp with excitement, we can smack our foreheads because we feel foolish or because we've forgotten something.

Now, what if we have the ability to speak, but are unable to use it because of distance say, or because the information needed is confidential?

Before the telephone was invented, morse code was used. Here is an example of what morse code looks like when printed out (prop, word=hello) but it would sound like a series of "dits" and "dahs"; the "dit" sound being the dot and the "dah" sound being the dash. As well, semifour has been used, which is the use of two flags that are divided in half diagonally, with one half of the flag being red and the other half being white (hold up). Letters are formed in the way you hold your arms. For example, this would spell "hi" (act out). Mostly today, these methods are used by Boy Scouts, Girl Guides, the military and probably others that I am unaware of.

With today's modern technology, much communicating can be done now with the introduction of telephones, computers, fax machines and fibre optics.

In certain large companies, computers are what we call "on line" with one another. Messages can be sent from a computer in one city to another computer in another city simply by using a telephone line, or modem as it is called. I worked for a company once where all you had to do was type in your message and hit a button, and your information would appear on the printer in Prince George, Calgary or wherever you'd sent it. (I can't remember what company this was)

Another company I was employed by (Sears) had all of their computerized cash registers on line across the nation, so when a sale was rung in B.C., the main computer back east made a note that certain items had been sold and more would need to be sent to replace them. This eliminated a lot of paperwork and made the company operate much more efficiently.

Fax machines have changed communications quite drastically. Where you once had to wait for days for something important to come in the mail, or spend lots to send it by courier, you now can have it in your hand within minutes. This is another form of communication that makes use of the phone lines. If only Alexander Graham Bell could see what he started by inventing the telephone! And now with fibre optics being so precise and exact, communication will be a breeze.

Over the years, there have been many different ways to communicate from smoke signals to the aboriginal bushman's telephone, but nothing can beat that special smile that says I love you from your little child. And that's communication at its finest. Thank you (sign).

***
I remember that most of the ladies just sat there looking at me with blank expressions on their faces because they'd all talked about their dogs or twelve step programs and I'd just gone way off to another dimension. But I'd always enjoyed public speaking for the most part and like I said, I got an idea and I went with it. Besides, no one told us what to talk about!

I think the best part is how amazed I am at technology only sixteen some-odd years ago. Had I known where it was headed, it might have blown my mind! To think that I would even have the capability of doing this, blogging, would have been beyond my imagination I think!

So, I just wanted to share a moment from my past (and some bad writing) and hopefully it has amused you as much as it did me!

My Mastopexy and Augmentation Mammoplasty

...or otherwise known as "Breast Lift with Implants", or as I like to call it, "Lift and Stuff".

Yes, this is the "procedure" I referred to way back in June. I finally feel ready to blog about it three months after the fact.

I first started thinking about this surgery about a year ago when I realized that the "girls" were just never going to repair themselves and look attractive again. I had major sagging due to breastfeeding. My breasts had gotten quite large during pregnancy and breastfeeding, but I was not one of those lucky ladies that got to keep the luscious breasts, fat and all. The fat all but disappeared from my breasts, leaving them hanging like sad empty sacks. I could not find bras to fit me properly and they were uncomfortable to boot. Having a larger set of hips (which also grew thanks to pregnancy), I looked disproportionate and clothing was becoming a chore. I basically hid behind baggy tops.

I want to start off by saying that my husband in no way influenced my in my decision to have this surgery. It was all me. All my idea. I say this because a certain relative of my husband's seems to think that women only do these surgeries for the benefit of men and nothing could be further from the truth. He never once suggested I should have it done or expressed that he'd like me to have it done, and was very supportive only in that he wanted me to be happy. Of course maybe that was before he realized he was picking up the tab, heh heh! Interestingly enough, my twin and I had both come to the decision to do this surgery independently of each other. I guess we decided to bring 40 in with a bang. She, however, did not require the lift, so she had only the augmentation done.

I had seen the work of my surgeon on another woman and was blown away by how realistic the breasts looked. Many of us, including me, have the impression that all "boob jobs" look the same - fake. So I booked a preliminary visit with him and away we went. I had to wait several months to get in to see him and I can honestly say it was worth the wait. Once in his office I was interviewed by one of his assistants and then waited to see him. At that time I was sort of hoping I would not need a lift and could just "fix things up" with some implants. To my dismay, this was not the case and it was at that point that I nearly changed my mind about the whole thing. But he explained to me that placing an implant into a sagging breast would not correct the problem, only worsen it, that he made every effort to minimize scarring and that healing time was roughly the same as for a straight augmentation. He point blank told me that he would not just put implants into me and if that was what I wanted, I'd need to find another surgeon. I appreciated his candor and also the fact that he was very conservative about things like size. I left with the quote, a feeling of trepidation, and a lot on my mind.

I had three months from the date of the quote to book my surgery (in order to get that same price). It honestly took me a few weeks to sort out how I felt about it. I have a definite thing about scars. It took me years to get over my c-section scar, even though it healed much better than most other scars of the same kind that I've seen on women. What I had to wrestle with was, could I willingly put scars onto my body for the sake of what most people view as vanity?

I decide I could live with it as the only people who were really going to see them were myself and my husband. I chose the cohesive gel implants as they felt the most realistic to me and had less risk attached to them as regular silicon (from what I've read). The saline were never a consideration for me as I do not like the look of them at all. In my pre-operative visit, the doctor gave me the choice between two different sizes which I got to try in a bra. I chose the slightly larger size (there was about 30cc difference) as it fit my existing curves. The size was 322ccs on each side.

In the meantime, I had decided to fly out to Calgary to join my sister for her surgery as her husband was not able to accompany her. I'm so glad I did. I got to witness first hand what the post surgical phase was like. Now, her surgeon had prescribed all manner of great painkillers and whatnots, so I thought "this'll be a breeze!" Ha. Remember my guy? The conservative one? He wrote me a prescription for Tylenol 3s and an antibiotic and instructed me to get Benadryl (to help me sleep), Gravol (obvious) and Ibuprofen (swelling). Well, Benadryl does indeed make me sleep, but it also makes me intensely crabby, so I avoided that one. The others of course, I got.

I tried not to be very nervous about my upcoming surgery, even when I found an animated video of the procedure.

We found out my surgery was going to be very early in the morning, which sort of temporarily messed up our plans. I had made arrangements for Hayden to spend the week at my mom's (actually she volunteered her services, for which I am eternally grateful) but we thought we'd be able to take Kes to school that day. There was a solution, though, as my sister had volunteered to come down and return the favour. So she was able to take Kes to school while I had the surgery done.

When we arrived at the surgery centre, I was not really very nervous. They shoo'ed hubby away fairly quickly and told him they'd call him. I was then left on my own in the room. Everyone came in and introduced themselves; the assisting nurse and the anesthesiologist, which was great and put me way at ease. Finally Dr. Mosher arrived and began to doodle on my chest with his black felt pen. I stared at the ceiling and waited for him to be done. I never really looked at it and I don't know why. I'm curious now.

I was escorted into the surgical theatre and climbed onto the skinny bed. An i.v. was started, the b.p. cuff applied and leggings were put on my legs along with these inflatable leg sleeves that periodically inflated and deflated to prevent blood clots. I felt like I was on a space ship! Everything seemed so science fiction and state of the art.

Before I knew it, the sleeping drugs were applied and I was deliciously drifting off to dreamland. The next thing I knew, the nurse was calling my name to wake me up. I was initially quite drowsy and a little discombobulated. The auto blood pressure cuff was still on, as were the leg sleeves and now there was also the blood oxygen metre on my finger. Between the two things inflating and deflating, the tight clip on my finger AND the oxygen mask over my mouth and nose, I felt quite claustrophobic and found it hard not to panic for a little while. I closed my eyes and tried to doze. Dr. Mosher came by briefly and patted my head, telling me everything had gone fine. I'd like him to know that meant a lot to me. It made him more human to me and compassionate. I think there is a tendency for people to think that because you've inflicted such a thing on yourself, you don't deserve sympathy. At least that was what I was expecting.

Eventually, the machines and things were removed and the nurse asked me how I was feeling. I told her hungry! All she could offer me was a freezie, but I accepted it willingly because I was starving. She gave me another after I inhaled the first one. Hubby arrived and post-op instructions were given to him and me. It was shortly after lunchtime and we had a bit of a drive as we were out in the 'burbs.

We had called my sis to see where she was at and she was home when we got there. She had gone and bought tummy-friendly foods and a beautiful orchid plant (which I have since killed, sorry Cath!) I had been warned not to do anything outside of personal care, so I left things to the others. The drugs started to wear off and I presently became aware of two very large protrusions on my chest. It was hard to tell much about them because they were bandaged and a large compression garment had been put onto me. I had been told to wear this garment for three weeks and then could switch to a regular bra. I wore it for about two months, mostly at night because it was the most comfortable.

Since I could not shower for the first week to allow the incisions to heal, I did not really look at my breasts all that much, but after a couple of days, they were so swollen that they looked like they were trying to escape in opposite directions. I literally could fit my entire hand between them and I feared the skin between them would tear, it was stretched so tight!

Pain was minimal to be honest. Sure I took pain killers as I needed them but there was never a moment when I thought 'what have I done?'. There was never unbearable pain, just a lot of discomfort as the body tried to allow for the implants. It truly felt like I'd done a massive pectoral workout and needed to breastfeed at the same time. Most of the sensations I experienced were identical to when I was breastfeeding; ie. tingling, shooting pains, prickling, popping and tenderness.

The only "bad" thing that happened was within the first few days due to the antibiotic. It became apparent on day two or three that something had upset my digestive tract and I had pretty bad diarrhea. I called the pharmacist to see if this was a side effect and he said yes, but it was getting to the point where I couldn't cope emotionally with it as I was spending so much time on the toilet, so I called the surgeon's office. The assistant told me to stop taking the drugs and that if it did not clear up, I'd have to get a different prescription as a bacteria may have formed. Nice. Lucky for me this did not happen and being fairly confident in my body's ability to fight infection I did not worry that I was unprotected.

I had a follow up four days after the surgery and the bandaging was removed. There was special surgical tape over all the incisions and I was informed that this would be changed at my next follow up a few weeks away.

I think it probably took me about three weeks to feel fairly pain-free and I began to experiment with my bras. To my delight, all of my old bras still fit...the way they were supposed to. However, the underwire bothered my lower incisions a lot and I had to remove it. Since I had been hoping to buy new bras, I was willing to sacrifice them! I also purchased two bras without underwire (hard to find, let me tell you). The surgical tape was replaced and I was given a roll of it to keep it up. I was never instructed on how long to keep the tape on, just that it helped minimize scarring, so I actually still have a few pieces here and there on parts I feel need attention.

After a few weeks, I developed what is known as a Mondor's Cord on the underside of each breast. Funny enough, the one under my right breast was bulging yet did not hurt. I was experiencing pain on the underside of my left breast and could only tell it was related to a blood vessel because when I touched the area and let go, I could see the blood refill a vessel under the skin. I'm pretty veiny so it was hard to miss. I was told by the surgeon's office that I could take Ibuprofen and use warm compresses for the discomfort. It disappeared pretty quickly.

Since then I have enjoyed shopping for new tops to highlight my new "assets". I never wore v-necks shirts and now have several. I am more confident and I feel much happier when I look in the mirror. At the three month mark, there is still healing going on, which I expected based on the material the surgeon gave me to read. My right breast healed much faster than my left and there is still numbness in the nipple and areola on the left side, but I am confident that feeling will return in time. Nerves don't heal overnight and I'm pretty sure more than a few of them were disrupted.

Overall, I would say the experience has been a positive one. Advice? Try not to have a three year old around if you have this surgery done! The worst part was him wanting to snuggle me all the time and not being able to let him. Sleeping was difficult for several weeks, so sometimes I dozed through the day if I could. All I can say is this: if you are seriously considering this surgery or even just the augmentation, make sure you weigh all the pros and cons. If you think it will make you feel better about yourself and help with the way clothing fits etc., then it probably will. Most people in my circle of friends have been very supportive and even interested in hearing about the process, some that even surprised me. Most people I know who have had it done do not regret it. I am excited to see the "end" result, which in my books will be a year from now. I'll keep you posted! ;0)

Heather 4.0

I notice it has been a long time since I last blogged. To be honest, I have developed a love-hate thing with blogging over the last while and hate seems to win out most times. But the last few weeks have been eventful and I felt I should share.

First off, Hamster Boy turned three on the 19th of June. There was no real celebration, but he has deemed it necessary to step up his bad behaviour to acknowledge it. Actually, he has his moments and the best times are when he is alone with me. But we can still butt heads and timeouts are common.

Next, I hit a milestone birthday on the 23rd of June and turned 40 (hence the title). I can't say it feels all that different from 39, except that I feel this decade will be pretty good as it means that ten years from now my kids will be 13, 16 and 27. I think 50 will be even sweeter. Some of my lady friends took me out to make it all official and we had dinner and saw Sex and the City. I enjoyed the movie more than I thought I would.

I had a procedure done at the beginning of June. Well more than a procedure, a cosmetic surgery. I struggled about whether to blog about it or not as it was a fairly personal thing and since I am still technically in the healing process, I think I will delay blogging about it fully. Stay tuned for that.

About Time Spring Got Here!

Aside from the hail, that is! This past weekend was wonderful. The sun was shining, the air was sweet with blooming flowers and everyone was happy. The kids were getting along and my sanity stayed intact for once. It was a bit chilly, but a hoodie was almost enough to keep one warm. Life is good.

We FINALLY got flower boxes done up for the wrought iron window boxes on our house. We've had the empty boxes for quite some time and we finally got it done. The plants don't have flowers just yet, but will soon and since our friend who did them forgot to write down what was in them, it's like some sort of surprise party, waiting for them to flower! I'm so excited! And our house will look pretty! As long as I don't kill every last little green thing, that is. I am sadly a plant killer. The only plant that has survived in my house is the beautiful papyrus that was a house-warming gift from our former neighbours and it lives because you HAVE to overwater it. It lives in water. And it just happens to be right by the kitchen sink, where there's water.

The Hamster Boy has been quite a peach lately. And by peach I mean right F**king A**hole. Is it my imagination or is he just downright sophisticated in his backtalk? I am scratching my head. At least he comes back round to Dr. Jekyll once in awhile and demands that I "sit down, Mommy, sit down" - which is code for "I want to fondle your hair". He is growing up so fast now. Sigh. Seems like just yesterday, he was this:

Okay, Now I'm Mad!

Am I destined to be tortured by Reality Television for the rest of my life? I found out within the last week or so that two of my current favourite shows - jPod and Jericho - have been cancelled. Now Jericho was kind of corny but at least there was some sort of a story line, paranoia and all. jPod was finally a Canadian program that I enjoyed and it took place in my very own city and was based on the same title book by Vancouver's Douglas Coupland. By the way, the book is slightly different but it's pretty funny. The show was hilarious! Thanks CBC for doing that to me, I appreciate it.

By now most of you know that my world revolves around television and as sad as that may sound, it's what generates my creativity. I'm not really a person who goes for a scenic hike and feels inspired to write poetry, but I can watch a quirky scene in a show or movie and think "oooh, that gives me an idea for...." Darnit all anyway!

To me reality t.v. (uh-oh she's off again) is not really reality. I believe that people feel compelled to act differently in situations or put on more emotions or add drama because they are in front of a camera. Ordinary mundane things are made out to be extra sincere, more painful, more exciting and so on. I truly believe there is a producer behind the camera egging people on for the sake of his padded pockets.

And of course, I am not totally immune to it. I still watch ANTM. I've had the sketchy experience of watching Scott Baio humiliate himself and I feel sad for him. Dude: get over yourself and grow up now. Otherwise we will be watching Scott Baio is 78 and Still Trying to Decide What to do With His Life somewhere in the future. Salt 'n'Pepa? For real? Do these has-beens really need the money so badly? How about a regular job? Try being a mail carrier in the rain or something. Oh, wait - celebrities have done that. Never mind.

Anyhoo, hopefully there will be something decent coming up in the new season. Or I'll just keep watching reruns of Law & Order, I guess.

What's new? I got to go away for a couple of days to hang out with my sister. That was nice, way too short and over all too soon. While I was away, Kestrel got her cast off and her elbow is doing quite nicely. I was surprised at how little I missed everyone! Complete sentences and thoughts were a total novelty!

Everything else is the same. Still making blankets and I have to take a bunch more photos to post on the Etsy site. Need to get some things printed up to go with them and order clothing tags for them.

That is all for now.

You Know That Day?

You know that day when:

- you wake up feeling like crap for the 37th day this year (wait that's every day this year) and think maybe if you just cut your head off, everything will be ok?
- your five year old daughter wants to argue with you about everything?
- you have an appointment and you don't want to drive to it because the parking in that area is atrocious but once you drop your son off at daycare, it's too late to run back home and get transit, so you park four blocks out of your way and pray you don't have an asthma attack walking to the building in the cold air?
- the appointment is with the ophthalmologist and they stick drops in your eyes to dilate them and then you feel nauseous for the next three hours from it because your eyes are so dilated they aren't filtering anything out?
- you've hurt your neck, but you aren't sure how and you've taken so much pain relief that you fear your liver might shut down?
- but by the time you get to the night, it's so painful that you feel you might die from that anyway, so you pop more pills?
- your teenager calls you from the school trip to Ottawa and sounds so homesick you wish you could slide through the phone to be with her?
- after you've put the kids to bed, unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher and wiped down all the surfaces, you're so tired you want to slip into a coma for real?

That was my day yesterday. Today is a little better. All I seem to do lately is complain, but the fates have conspired to make this my "sick and in pain" year. That being said, I feel that this is my year emotionally and mentally and I am going to try not to let it get me down. Try.

Oh, and on a good note, I sent "something" "somewhere" last week that may or may not earn me a rejection letter. Either way, I hope I hear from them. It will take about 9 weeks before I do, so I'm just going to put it out of my head for now.

AND...my hubby ordered me a little point and shoot camera with his Air Miles, so I can start taking pictures and movies of the kids again, without feeling totally intimidated, so YAY!

P.S. My eyes are very healthy, I just have this little thing on the eyeball that is technically "normal", so I wanted to get it checked out. It's just that when my allergies are bugging me (which is pretty much continuously right now!) I can feel it and it's like I have a grain of sand in my eye.

I Know, I Know

Yes, I've been quiet again. Perhaps even more non-blogging than usual. But, I have a good reason, honest! My computer atteneded some sort of jackass convention and decided to quit on me. And after hubby spent $450 of his hard earned dollars getting it fixed, it's actually WORSE than before! Sometimes it takes me twenty tries to get it to just come on. I find it comical that the reason it went to the hospital in the first place was because the fan(s) died and now that it is "fixed", the only thing that comes on when you hit the power button, is...you guessed it THE FAN! (So I guess technically they fixed the problem, heh.)

Well, computer troubles aside, today it is SNOWING! And by snowing, I mean SNOWING!! Gorgeous, covered the ground and still going SNOW! Sweeeeet! I know that everyone who has to commute in it is having conniptions right now, but I am just going to look at the beautiful snow that we NEVER, EVER GET here! Yay!

Oh, and I might attend a Poetry Slam tonight.

Happy New Year?

Are we already almost halfway through the first month of 2008? Is that possible? The time, she flies!

I recently got my computer back from the hospital - it was down for about a week and half and I can't say all the bugs have been fixed yet. Evidently I fried the mother board and thanks to my bloodhound nose, I quickly turned off the computer when I smelled hot plastic and managed to not lose any of my data. I have a plan in place to back up all of my stuff!

Speaking of bugs, I've been struck by another. Nothing serious and it was unavoidable, since the wee ones have been coughing and sniffling for well over a month. This one is affecting the asthma more and that is a bit of a drag because I end up feeling like a crack addict with all the Ventolin I have to take. Bah! I'm sure I'll recover nicely, though. Lots of indoors for me (oh darn, since I have about a skillion knitting projects I'm working on!) and plenty of Typhoo tea! Oh, and mom brought me back some lovely Australian tea recently. It's very creamy tasting and a nice change. Thanks, Mom!

Speaking of knitting, I've completed several projects lately and am pretty satsified with the results. A hat for each sister and a scarf for the brother-in-law. I am working on something else for my twin that's secret, but I'll post photos when the time is right. All I will say is, I have made my first foray into the world of felting and it went very well! Oh no, another addiction for me to worry about!

Speaking of photos, hubby finally bought a new, state of the art, ultra-fancy, super-de-duper camera. Of course I feel like a complete tard trying to use it. Whatever happened to point and shoot? That's my formula and it has worked well for me for many years. Ah well. Once I figure it out, I'll put photos back on here.

On the Hamster Boy front, Hayden has been a bit of a Jekyll and Hyde lately - I'm just chalking it up to illness and the fact that he is two. most of his nasty behaviour only occurs when his sisters are around, so I get the feeling that he is very possessive of me and doesn't want interference. His language is developing more and more each day, but I still find that he does not talk as much or as clearly as the girls did at this age. That's okay with me as I find I still think of him more as a bay at this point. I want his babyhood to last as long as it can, because all to soon it will be gone. That being said, I visited a friend this week who just had twin boys (she also has two girls). They were brilliantly beautiful and so tiny, even though they had decent birthweights. I held one and thought "nope, not for me anymore"! WOW! Love holding them and cuddling them, but I am so over the sleep deprivation and whatnot.

Anyway, enough of my boring news. There's way more important things going on the world, such as French matchmaking....

Oh, and I went through the pictures archives and found some Hamster Boy sweetness for you:

Snow Candy

Well, the snow has come and gone here leaving behind no evidence of its visit whatsoever. I guess we can look forward to at least a month of rain now. Nice.

Just before the rain struck and eliminated all of the wonderful white stuff, I scooped a bunch of it up, placed it in the freezer temporarily and then got to work. I melted about two cups of white sugar (that was way too much, by the way), added a little vanilla and then poured it on the snow to harden. The thing with heating white sugar until it melts is that it tends to have this slightly burned flavour to it, but I don't really mind that. Unfortunately, the "candy" also had a tinge of "Vancouver Smog" flavour to it, so I ended up chucking it all out. It was fun, though! The kids had a blast in the snow while it lasted. They got all geared up (I was exhausted by the time they went out the door) and played for quite some time out there. It's nice to see them get some great activity outdoors.

While it was still snowing, I was sitting in the living room and started noticing this odd noise out the front of my house. I thought someone was on the front deck, so I looked out the window and lo and behold! Our neighbour was busy shovelling off our steps! We truly have moved into the twilight zone here! In our old neighbourhood, a scary drug addict came to the door asking for money to shovel our walk. I do give him credit for wanting to actually do something for the money, but I wasn't about to support his disease, so I sent him away. Things like that were a daily occurrence for us there. We can't believe how different it is and how un-stressed we are now. Later our neighbour took Kes along with his daughter (who is in her class) and his son over to toboggan at a nearby park. How much do you love a neighbour like that?

It's been a little while since I posted and I wanted to share something that happened to me. Just over a week ago, I had this very strange "attack" on my system. It was late at night and I had been laying on the couch, drowsing. I'd had a couple of drinks, but was by no means drunk. I got up to go to bed and brushed my teeth, etc. When I rounded the corner to my room I suddenly got this very tight feeling in my chest, couldn't breathe and my arms went numb to my elbows. I instinctually started to breathe slow, deep breaths (one of the times that being asthmatic actually came in handy because I am so practiced at it), found my husband and sat with him for around ten minutes until it began to pass. We thought perhaps it was a physiological event, where I was maybe slightly dehydrated and then standing up to quickly made all the blood rush down from my head. I have fairly low blood pressure and tend to get head rushes all the time when I stand up. While it was happening, I was quite scared and thought the word "ambulance" more than once. It was hard not to panic and took quite a lot of effort to keep my breathing slow, rather than giving in to hyperventilating.

Research showed up a few things. The thing about the internet is it can give you too much information that may or may not be correct. All of the symptoms I had matched the criteria for angina or a heart malfunction as well as a panic attack. I knew it was neither because a) I was not having pain in my heart or on that side, I was only slightly numb and b) the cognitive part was missing for anxiety or panic. I am quite the opposite since hubby and I have been more in love than ever and therefore happy. Laura suggested it was heartburn because she said she had something similar happen to her once. This made some sense to me since I have been having a lot of digestion problems lately. But looking around on the internet did not turn up these symptoms in association with heartburn. Unfortunately, I was so freaked by the event that my anxiety was high for the next few days and I kept feeling like it might happen again. Curse my overactive brain!

I had to see my doctor yesterday to get a flu shot, so I asked her about it. Turns out that Laura was correct. Or at least close. It wasn't heartburn, but in fact an esophageal spasm. Apparently the acid rises suddenly to the esophagus and it seizes up, causing all of the symptoms I had! So the combination of alcohol with a caffeinated/carbonated drink and my current reflux problems made this all happen. Phew! Thanks Dr. Laura! I shall be taking a stronger antacid now to prevent that from ever happening again. Oh, and if that is what a panic attack feels like minus the mental panic? I NEVER want to experience that EVER!

So I got my flu shot and Hamster Boy was due for some vaccinations as well. Or should I say overdue. He's always been behind because of the whole casts on his legs for seven months thing, but we are now officially caught up! I thought that he needed one more vax and was thinking I'd toture him with the chicken pox vax since Kes just got that one too. Ahem. He needed two more shots and our doctor suggested the flu shot as well, so we skipped the chicken pox one for now and I'll get it done sometime before he goes to preschool. The first shot went well and he barely noticed it. The second one he started screaming "owie! owie!" and pummeled our doctor's stomach with his feet (sorry Sylvia!). By the third one he was hysterical and she barely got it in. That one bled because I was trying to control all of his limbs at once and he was kicking so hard that the needle moved sideways slightly. I am so glad he is the last of my kids. Really.
Poor guy is limping today on that leg.

Here's some yumminess:

I Knew It!

You Should Be A Poet

You craft words well, in creative and unexpected ways. And you have a great talent for evoking beautiful imagery... Or describing the most intense heartbreak ever. You're already naturally a poet, even if you've never written a poem.

What Type of Writer Should You Be?

And isn't it ironic that I should take this quiz just after I was recently introduced to this very cool thing called "Poetry Slam"? What's that you say? Well the best description I can come up with is Extreme Poetry Reading. That is to say, envision Jack Kerouac or some such Beat Poet performing his work on stage, but add some extra oomph. AND...the best news about this is that British Columbia has it's very own expert at this. His name is Shane Koyczan and I have to say that I really have never felt as moved by poetry in general as I have by his. THIS is the guy that will preserve a dying artform and perhaps make future generations realize that poetry isn't for losers. I know people that "hate" poetry. I don't really know how you can hate poetry. After all, haven't you purchased a greeting card before with some nice words arranged poetically? And what made you choose that particular one? Probably the poem - even if it was a naughty limerick.

Poetry has always been my thing and I have written tons of it. It is the thing I turn to when I really want to write, but don't have the time for sitting down and setting out a story on the page. But it can tell a story itself. It can teach a lesson. Admittedly most of my poetry rhymes, mostly because I find it a challenge - to make something make sense at same time as it rhymes. But I've started experimenting a little with other kinds of poetry and am pleased with the results. I am going to share a recent one with you; it's style was inspired by the late great e.e.cummings. But before that, you should really watch Shane in action. It will move you, I guarantee it!



Hoo, I get chills and tears at the same time!

Now here is mine. I wrote it after a recent family loss.

I Give You a Piece of My Heart

Cupped here in my hands
A splinter, a fragment, a mote
The smallest grain of sand
A piece of my heart for your heart
(My heart to your heart)

I don't need it, not this piece
The one granule of my heart that doesn't grieve
Place it in that pinpoint hole
So that one tiny portion of you won't hurt
(I'll take the pain)

It will be oh so fleeting
But during the frozen moments of the day
You'll stop the pain
Just for a microsecond I'd say
(Breathe it in and hold it)

Once you activate it enough
It will begin to grow
Not so quickly
It'll be downright slow
(Painstaking yet thorough)

In time the heal and hurt will reverse
Only a pinprick will cause you pain
That one will be there to stay
But the sting will be less than it is today
(For a lifetime to keep)

That will be my heart
Beating inside your heart
Enveloping the throb of sorrow
While you make a new start
(I give you a piece of my heart)

That segment will remain
A mneme for you to keep
Gone but not forgotten
To carry with you forever
(But I'll take the pain)

I'm Still Here!

Aggh! Is it really THAT long since I last posted? Man, where does the time go?

To be honest with you, I haven't really had a lot to say. Life has been good, the kids are fine and hubby is happy and healthy, as am I for the most part. My asthma was acting up a bit when the weather couldn't decide what to do with itself, but it has levelled out again.

I've been scratching my head a little trying to decide what to do with this blog. When I started it, it was to chronicle Hayden's journey through clubfoot and it was a good place for me to vent my frustrations and celebrate the triumphs. I've found over time that it has morphed into being more and more about me, and less about Mr. Hamster. Truthfully, his ongoing journey reached a plateau a few months ago. What does that mean? That nothing bad is happening, but nothing more good is going to happen because his feet are the best they can be at this point. My job right now is to monitor and maintain. If I keep my stringent schedule with his boots and bar, he should sail through this without further issues.

I enjoy writing here, but I find I get busy and time goes by and I don't put anything here. I suppose that is okay because if I ain't got somethin' to say, I ain't got somethin' to say! I am not going to put just anything here for the sake of having a post that day. Combine that with the fact that the kids are getting older and I need to consider their privacy a bit more, and the fact that my husband has a certain level of discomfort over me sharing much of anything about the kids here and I find myself heading in a different direction. The blog has become largely about me and my feelings and what I am doing.

So bear with me as I decide what to do. I don't want to stop this blog, but I may tailor it to suit my needs a bit better. I also want to focus a bit more on my knitting blog which you can get to through my profile. I am on an all time creative high right now and am knitting more things than I have ever knitted before and I want to start recording what I am doing. That's the beauty of the internet - you can find a pattern for anything and have it made before you blink! I love it!

I'll try and be back soon!

Gloom

You know those days you can have? You know the ones. The ones where you wake up feeling old and cranky. Looking in the mirror only confirms it; you're greying, wrinkling, sagging and flabby. And to make things even better, you have a raging headache that laughs at the Tylenol 1/Motrin combo you've chosen to attack it with.

That pretty much describes my week so far. I've been struck by a case of the blahs and while I know they'll pass, it's hard to be patient about it. Adding to that the fact that I've been dealing with said headache all day so far, have a "thing" (for lack of a better word) in my right eye that is irritating the CRAP out of it and also have some sort of lump/bruise on the bottom of my left foot and I'm a walking disaster! I've been completely uninspired to do anything, even knit - which indicates how dire this week has been. The weather isn't helping much either - one minute it's sunny, the next it's freezing and rainy. My asthma doesn't know what to do with itself except torment me, so I'm walking around like some sort of decaying, wheezy old woman.

I think I might just go to bed and start over tomorrow! Yeah, there's a plan!

Or drink heavily.

A Song

For this to actually be even remotely funny, you need to know the tune to The Neverending Story. Otherwise, it won't really make much sense. This is my homage to Limahl. Here we go:

There's a mound
Taller than a tree
On my bed
Of unfolded laundry

Make believe I'm elsewhere
Hiding out of sight
Please somebody help me
With an answer to my
Neverending Laundry
(Ah...)

Reach for pants
And fold them so neatly
Dream a dream
Perhaps there's a fairy

Two year old behind me
He unfolds what I have done
There has to be somebody
With an answer to my
Neverending Laundry
(Ah...)

There's no hope
That it will go away
My back is sloped
From hunching o'er this way

Kleenex in a pocket
Pennies left behind
Wish there was more money
I keep all that I find
For doing laundry
(Ah...)
The Neverending Laundry
(Ah...)
Repeat and fade

Don't Call Me

Basically, after about 5pm today, don't call. It's the sesaon premiere of everything and I have taken great pains to make it so I can watch all of it (my thumb is actually sore from bookmarking everything on my digital cable). You may not hear from me all week, actually, since everything is starting up. The kids will get shoved into bed around 5, whether they need to be there or not, and I will be curled up on the couch with a hot water bottle for my poor owie back and perhaps some popcorn (if I feel like picking out of my teeth later).

Tell people to shove food under the door, okay? Here's some photo love for you:

What's with the Weather?

I've had to break out the knee socks and my warmer sweater. This is my favourite time of year, as I think I've mentioned once or a million times. Unfortunately, it's that exact time of year when you don't know how to dress to go out because the weather can end up being anything. If you're smart, you'll dress in layers so you can peel them off or put them back on. So confusing! As much as I hate the endless rain we get here, we keep getting teased into thinking it's not coming. And then one day it will just start and not stop. Okay, there's my season rant for the year.

My brother and SIL are doing as well as can be expected during this difficult time. My feeling is that we need to get them past that critical due date and then the true healing journey can begin. Even then, time will be measured in terms of "what might have been" for a long time. Our family operates this way. We think something into oblivion because this is how we integrate bad experiences. Speaking from experience, it has often taken me YEARS to work through something and I've never been through something as hard as this. All I know is the adage is true: "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger". It also makes us more compassionate, more understanding and maybe even more long-suffering. I know they will take as much time as is necessary to grieve together and comfort one another and thank goodness they have that. They are smart people. They won't rush the process and I hope they can take as much time as possible from outside obligations. I'm thinking about them every day and I want them to know that I would go to the lengths of the earth to help them. {INSERT GIGANTIC HUG HERE}

(Shhh....don't tell them...I'm working on a little project for them and I have to use the old lady magnifying glass that hangs around my neck to do it!)

The first week of school went just well with the only problem with Kes being that she does NOT want to leave the after school portion of her day and gets quite irate. One of the days she cried half of the way home. So I don't think we're going to have any "I don't want to go to school" issues! It's nice to be able to plan a day out and not juggle it around having two kids home.

As per usual, I am trying to do too many projects at once. And my brain hates that I can't do them all together. At the same time. I'd get SO much more accomplished that way! Argh! Why was I cursed with this creatively hyperactive brain? I never complete anything because I'm always working on too many things. I can't order them into a list of importance because they are all important. Argh.

How I Became A Yummy Slummy Mummy

There's a little book competition going on over here and me being one to never turn down a free book am going to try and win one!

So once upon a time I was a young girl with dreams of being a mother. Oh, I would have six children and I would never, ever make the same mistakes my mother made. (I mistook those for mistakes at the time) My children would all be happy, healthy, friendly, polite, respectful little specimens and there would be three boys and three girls, born in alternating gender order, starting with a boy. My reasoning on this was that everyone should have an older brother. I thought this was smart until I actually got an older (step) brother and then realized boys are stupid.

So the time came when I got married at the ripe old age of almost twenty and two years later I was nine months pregnant, abandoned by my cheatin' husband and moving back in with my parents. And things just went from bad to worse for awhile in my personal life. The good part was that I gave birth to a beautiful, healthy, BIG baby girl and I was thrilled. I'm not sure I would have had the same reaction to a son.

Fast forward to now where that baby is now 16 and she has two sibling bookends who are four and a half and two years old. I'm happy to report that I have stopped at three instead of my intended six offspring (and the boy came last). Not surprisingly my parenting hasn't gone exactly the way I planned. most mornings consist of me dragging my sorry self downstairs before 7:00am with at least one small person in tow, bleary eyed and resentful. Usually the middle child follows and begins to pester me for foodstuffs when I am barely coherent and just want to throw on the television and pass out while they leave me alone. Wishful thinking on my part. Usually there is screaming within 7 minutes of everyone being downstairs.

So what makes me a Yummy Mummy? Well, I clean up very well. I consider myself for the most part to be a loyal friend and a good listener. I accommodate my husband for "special us time" as often as possible. I can bake some mean cookies and my scrambled eggs are superior. I am equally comfortable dining at a classy restaurant as I am at a sidewalk hot dog vendor's. I can sew, knit, papercraft and have a great imagination for creating things. Give me an idea and watch me go with it. I love to read and have good conversations with people. A friend once described me as the person she would call if she was ever on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? ~ I have oodles of trivia stacked in my brain.

But then there is my Slummy Mummy side. I don't know how to make coffee. I loathe housework and generally follow the Loonette the Clown method of cleaning ~ "The Ten Second Tidy". I will refuse to let my children eat cookies, cake, anything treat-like in the mornings, but will then give them each a Poptart (What? That's breakfast right?). I can spend hours on my computer, only stopping long enough to throw food at the seagulls....er...kids and get them down for naps, etc. I will hide candy from my family so I can eat it all myself. Sometimes I have been known to belch (politely, of course).

So am I yummy or slummy? Somedays I feel more yummy than slummy; somedays it's the other way around. You can always come over and be the judge. (Just make sure it's a Yummy day!)