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Tuesday, August 14, 2007

How I Became A Yummy Slummy Mummy

There's a little book competition going on over here and me being one to never turn down a free book am going to try and win one!

So once upon a time I was a young girl with dreams of being a mother. Oh, I would have six children and I would never, ever make the same mistakes my mother made. (I mistook those for mistakes at the time) My children would all be happy, healthy, friendly, polite, respectful little specimens and there would be three boys and three girls, born in alternating gender order, starting with a boy. My reasoning on this was that everyone should have an older brother. I thought this was smart until I actually got an older (step) brother and then realized boys are stupid.

So the time came when I got married at the ripe old age of almost twenty and two years later I was nine months pregnant, abandoned by my cheatin' husband and moving back in with my parents. And things just went from bad to worse for awhile in my personal life. The good part was that I gave birth to a beautiful, healthy, BIG baby girl and I was thrilled. I'm not sure I would have had the same reaction to a son.

Fast forward to now where that baby is now 16 and she has two sibling bookends who are four and a half and two years old. I'm happy to report that I have stopped at three instead of my intended six offspring (and the boy came last). Not surprisingly my parenting hasn't gone exactly the way I planned. most mornings consist of me dragging my sorry self downstairs before 7:00am with at least one small person in tow, bleary eyed and resentful. Usually the middle child follows and begins to pester me for foodstuffs when I am barely coherent and just want to throw on the television and pass out while they leave me alone. Wishful thinking on my part. Usually there is screaming within 7 minutes of everyone being downstairs.

So what makes me a Yummy Mummy? Well, I clean up very well. I consider myself for the most part to be a loyal friend and a good listener. I accommodate my husband for "special us time" as often as possible. I can bake some mean cookies and my scrambled eggs are superior. I am equally comfortable dining at a classy restaurant as I am at a sidewalk hot dog vendor's. I can sew, knit, papercraft and have a great imagination for creating things. Give me an idea and watch me go with it. I love to read and have good conversations with people. A friend once described me as the person she would call if she was ever on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? ~ I have oodles of trivia stacked in my brain.

But then there is my Slummy Mummy side. I don't know how to make coffee. I loathe housework and generally follow the Loonette the Clown method of cleaning ~ "The Ten Second Tidy". I will refuse to let my children eat cookies, cake, anything treat-like in the mornings, but will then give them each a Poptart (What? That's breakfast right?). I can spend hours on my computer, only stopping long enough to throw food at the and get them down for naps, etc. I will hide candy from my family so I can eat it all myself. Sometimes I have been known to belch (politely, of course).

So am I yummy or slummy? Somedays I feel more yummy than slummy; somedays it's the other way around. You can always come over and be the judge. (Just make sure it's a Yummy day!)

1 comment:

Eden said...

My kids won't slow down for a Pop Tart. I make them Carnation Instant Breakfast & tell them it's just chocolate milk.